Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
