Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
