just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
