Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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