GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
