Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
