Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
