the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
