I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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