Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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