i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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