I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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