you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
