I met the friendliest cop last night
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
