sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Do vagina's smell?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
