We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
