I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
