she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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