cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i was born a porn star she said
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
