i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
