i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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