all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
