I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Randomize
