well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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