Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
