apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
