Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
