Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
