Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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