You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
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