Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
