that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
my sisters under your porch take her home
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
