every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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