I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
