Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
