I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Plan B is the new Plan A
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
