I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize