walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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