When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize