I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
She needs sedatives and a leash
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
