first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Nicole vs. Life
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
