It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
