You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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