You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
