I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
