Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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