And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Randomize
