Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
