I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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