Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
