I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
