Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
whose ass print is on the piano?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
