Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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