so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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