I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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