It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize