i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
