dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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