i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Come back. Shots need mouths.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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