:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
