Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
