You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
