You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
