Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
