I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize
