$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
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