the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
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