They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize