It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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