We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
