I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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