party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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