IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
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