kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
