listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
