So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
