Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
