The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
