Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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