you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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