i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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