guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Don't make out with my wife yet
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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