In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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