i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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