it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
