we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
