we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
