I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
