Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
You ruined the universe
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
