There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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