I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
