i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
You need a sexual gate keeper
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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