Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
