well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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