Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
