Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
