you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
