Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
