The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
This is my gift to your gina
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize