? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
