thus making me awesome and them whores
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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