Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
